Introducing the Skurnik Hair Club for Men

Introducing the Skurnik Hair Club for Men

Earlier this week I sat down with Michael Skurnik, owner and “Chief Party Officer” of Skurnik Hair Club for Men, a brilliant new philosophy that is helping men of all shapes and sizes grow and maintain bountiful heads of hair. Created in 2016, SHC has been adding confidence and swagger to men all over the country.

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Michael and Harmon Skurnik, founders and clients of the Skurnik Hair Club for Men. Actual results may vary.

Thank you for taking the time with me today Michael.

My pleasure.

What was your thought process when you decided to start SHC?

It was simple actually. You’ve heard about the French Paradox, right? The concept that the French should be at high risk of coronary heart disease due to their diets that are in high saturated fats. However, the number of CHD cases are relatively low. Many believe the reason for this is the French consumption of wine. One day I was getting a haircut and my stylist commented on how quick and thick my hair grows. “What’s your secret?” he asked me. That got me thinking, what do I do that most men don’t? Then it hit me. I drink really great wine on a regular basis! That is when I got the idea for Skurnik Hair Club for Men.

So you attribute your bountiful hair to quality wine?

Absolutely! I have been drinking great wine from all over the world since I worked at Windows on the World and I have never had any issues with my hair thinning or falling out. In fact, my hairline has actually advanced instead of receding.

Can you explain how that works?

What’s to explain? Look at my hair! The night before my daughter’s wedding I drank Vilmart Grand Cellier d’Or. When I woke up in the morning my hair had a bounce and shine that really stuck out. Aside from the bride and my wife, my hair was the most beautiful thing in the wedding pictures.

Well, your hair looks great today, what did you drink last night?

La Chapelle Hermitage Blanc 2006 from Jaboulet.

So how would someone like myself use Skurnik Hair Club?

Once you sign up on the website and send a picture of your head our experts will analyze your hair needs and choose the right plan for you. If you have a receding hairline we would put you on a wine regimen.

And what does that entail?

Let’s say that you have one of those “Caesar” bald spots at the top of your crown.  We will send you a weekly package of Italian wine. Ciacci Piccolomini Brunello, Cavallotto Barolo, Dievole Chianti Classico.

I see.

If you are looking to add more body to the hair that you already have, we go to California. Corison Cabernet Sauvignon, Sandhi Chardonnay, The Terraces Chenin Blanc.

What if I am looking for a healthy shine?

That is something really special. Riesling! Hermann J. Wiemer, Silver Thread, Kruger-Rumpf, A.J. Adam, Brundlmayer, Nikolaihof! By the time you are done with the Shine package you’ll be blinding people on the street!

Ha ha!

No, I’m serious. One of our clients caused a traffic accident walking down 5th Ave because his hair blinded the driver of a car and he rear-ended a bus in front of him. That is some serious shine.

What if I am looking for something out of each package?

We call that “The Harmon Package” after my brother Harmon. His hair is the perfect embodiment of our mission. Great shine, body you can bounce a quarter off of, and full head coverage. He drinks very diversely from all over the world, that is how he is able to achieve head perfection.

Is there any science that you can cite to back this up?

Again, look at my hair! What does the guy say in the commercial? “I’m not only the president, I’m also a client.” I stand by Skurnik Hair Club as living proof that it works.

Do you offer a money back guarantee?

Listen, if after a few weeks of the program your hair doesn’t look like mine or Harmon’s, you can always take comfort in the fact that you got to drink all of this amazing wine! How can THAT be a bad thing?

Michael, thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me today. It has certainly been a hair raising experience!

I see what you did there.

I look forward to all of the great things that will come out of this company.

Thank you.

One last question.

Shoot.

Can I touch your hair?

You want to touch my hair? Sure, go ahead.

That is magical!

Was it good for you?

Thanks again for your time.

My pleasure.

 

It is my journalistic responsibility to tell you, the reader, that Skurnik Hair Club for Men may produce mixed results. Do not operate heavy machinery or drive an automobile while participating in Skurnik Hair Club for Men treatments. Skurnik Hair Club for Men treatment side effects may include a feeling of being transported to a happier time in your life including a honeymoon or vacation,  a boost of self-esteem, admiration from friends and family, and being an all-around better person.